Football Shorts - deadline day updates

Will Harry Redknapp lose it during his car window interview? Will Demba Ba successfully complete his Stoke City medical by headbutting a wall unconscious or will Arsene Wenger have a 10.55pm meltdown and sign Titus Bramble in a £23 million deal? It’s deadline day, and we’ll keep you up to date with all the big wheelings and dealings of the evening.

10.45pm: Sunderland are busy – Fabio Borini has signed for them after Stephane Sessegnon left to join West Brom’s Quick-Save Galacticos. Hull City are trying to push through deals for international strikers Shane Long of West Brom and Republic of Ireland and Gedo of Al Ahly and Egypt. Barnsley have completed a season-long loan deal for Peter Ramage from Premier League side Crystal Palace. Gareth Barry looks like he’s about to complete a transfer to Everton. Stoke have signed Stephen Ireland on loan. Dave Whelan looks like he’ll get his wish – a chunky fee from Everton for James McCarthy.

9.45pm: Niko Kranjcar could be following his old mate Benoit Assou Ekotto to QPR... Guediora could become Crystal Palace’s FIFTEENTH (one-five) signing of the summer this evening... Oldham have signed Gienseric Kusunga from Basel. Yeah, him... Romelu Lukaku looks likely to rekindle his love affair with West Brom after reports that he’s on his way there from Chelsea... Norwich look set to add to their powerpod-like striker collection and are front runners for West Ham striker Ricardo Vaz Te... Demba Ba is staying at Chelsea. Sorry Gooners... Crystal Palace have signed Jack Hunt from Huddersfield on a four-year deal... Next news just before the deadline!

8.45pm: Arsenal have made an enquiry for Demba Ba, and they think a £1.5 million loan fee will be enough – that’s more like it, Arsene! Manchester United reportedly want Ander Herrera enough to match his release fee. Everton are sweet on Lukaku, though they want him on loan. Fellaini has handed in a transfer request, quite possibly in an attempt to through a move to Manchester United – you never know. Fernando is said to be a possible replacement. Next update at 9.45pm guys!

So far: Arsenal have almost signed Mesut Ozil for a crazy £42.4 million. Niall Quinn calls him ‘The best number 10 in the world’ comparing him to Dennis Bergkamp – not that he’s excited or anything. Manchester United want Fellaini – he’s reportedly speeding away from Everton’s training ground as I type, though quite what he’s doing there at 8pm I’m not sure. Gareth Bale has gone to Real Madrid. You knew that, I knew that – let’s move on. Odemwingie has left West Brom. For real this time. Palace have more-or less signed Bendtner who will reunite his deadly partnership with Marouane Chamakh. Liverpool have signed Moses in an attempt to part the sea of midfield mediocrity.